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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

And the winner is...

Wow, you all had great guesses! The funny (tragic?) thing is that I've said them all. A few that made me laugh out loud were "No tuba playing," "Where's your diaper?" "Mama needs chocolate," and "TubaDad come home." Classic. The winner, with the closest guess, is Granddaddy. Of course he says it wasn't a fair fight because he personally heard me say the phrase-o-the-week no less than 3 times before 8am this morning. So without further ado, the phrase heard all the dang time in this house is (drumroll please...): Mama has feet!!! (Spoken in varying tones ranging from light humor to disbelief to exasperation, depending on how many times I've uttered it that day.) Pretty bad, huh? Who knew that something like that would (need to) come out of my mouth. But the girls trip over my feet and go flying flat on their faces over and over again. And the rest of the day they spend trying to get as close to me as possible -- usually while standing painfully on my tender toes. Every single time they trip and crash they look at my feet in shock and disbelief. What happened?! Blink blink. How did those get here?! Blink blink. Have I ever seen those before?! Now bear in mind that I do not have svelte, tiny little feet. My nine-and-a-halfer boats would never be accused of being invisible. Whooooeeeee no. Oh well. I will eventually prevail. Someday the girls will be tearing through the room screaming wildly and chasing each other, they'll get near me and remember my words, and will gracefully leap over my feet then continue running around trying to kill each other. Ahhhh. Yeah, a girl can dream, right? So, am I the only one with this problem? Anyone else being trampled, stood upon, accidentally kicked in the head, or just generally being treated as a jungle gym by the teeny loves of your life? Please fess up and make me feel better. What Mama Bruises are YOU sporting?

63 comments:

  1. Anonymous4/17/2007

    What a hoot! Sometimes the obvious experience is forgotten or goes unsaid.

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  2. OH! So, that's the phrase I need to add to my repitore.....
    M3

    (Hey, can we swap shoes!!!???????)

    (PPSS I've gone private...and sent you a invite....)

    A
    See, you are do rnjoying this and can't remember the wait that has now taken on a life of it's own....

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  3. I would have to say "Yes, Mommy's toes!" or tummy or leg. She is always surprised to see them and smiles like saying "whao, you have one too"

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  4. omgMy DD always steps on my feet. It would not be all that bad ( I have tough feet) but she will not get off. My sarcastic remark is "umm that lump you feel under your feet is probably MY FOOT"

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  5. Hilarious! I know how you feel. I'm often getting my feet stepped on, dropped on, or climbed up. I just want to say- hmmm, hmmm- you're in my bubble. Needless to say, my bubble has become very small for now. Gotta love it.

    :)
    Dianne

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  6. I wear size 11 -- yes, I said it: ELEVEN -- and my daughter still tramples them but is getting better at not falling afterward. I have bruises on my feet on a regular basis and Kate often looks back in shock after tripping on them. How she can avoid noticing them beforehand is what always shocks me.

    Here's an idea: start putting m&m's on the top of your tootsies and then be amazed at how they stop to admire your feet.

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  7. :D Now reading that gave me a BIG smile! As someone with Fred Flinstone feet (short and fat) I really go a chuckle out of that!

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  8. The phrase I use with my 3 daughters is "Mommy's not an octopus". I must say that 15 times a day when I'm asked to do 8 things at once.!
    Krista
    parentingcubed.blogspot.com

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  9. BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

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  10. I'm cracking up.

    Hey, nice kicks :0)

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  11. Anonymous4/18/2007

    I have a HUGE bruise on the side of my thigh from a 2.5 year old who came barrelling at me holding a Tonka truck! (I am happy to say there was no damage to the 2.5 year old or the truck after the incident.)

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  12. Mama has feet - and incidentally, very cute shoes! No kids yet, but I have been smacked in the head with numerous objects while babysitting including but not limited to: Tivo Remote, soccer ball, tennis ball (resulting in a black eye), feet (with and without shoes), another head, an empty bottle, a tickle-me elmo, and, my personal favorite, a very large set of keys.

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  13. The worst Mommy bruise I got was back when he was about 2 (he's 3.5 now.) We were roughhousing on the bed, and he flung his head backwards, toward my head, and connected with a massive backwards headbutt to my cheek right below my eye. I saw galaxies (not just stars), screamed and thought I was dying. Retrospect, I'm quite pleased he connected with the cheek, cause had he landed squarely on my nose, I would have ended up in the ER with a broken nose. I sported a horrible black eye for almost two weeks. It's funny now, but man, it was ugly and very painful. I'd take feet stomping anyday.

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  14. Anonymous4/18/2007

    My little dumplin used to snuggle really, really close to me on my lap for story time. Elbows flying and impacting smack-dap right into the boobie. Over and over and over again...ouch, ouch, ouch....still love her though.

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  15. Oh yeah, I was resting on Monday and they attacked me, fighting for postion on mom's chest. Lovely... yeah, I can take 75lbs of lovin'

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  16. LOL haven't had that one yet.

    I am constantly saying. "Please don't show Mama's undergarments." Tess is always pulling my shirt way down. She just likes hanging on me. That's made for some interesting looks in public.

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  17. My 18 month old, built-like-a-tank son loves to use my tummy as a trampoline. He usually waits til I am lying down on the couch (hoping to watch American Idol uninterrupted, of course). Then he comes over with a sweet smile, climbs up as if to cuddle...and then KABAM! jumps up & down on my stomach and laughs maniacally until I'm almost unconscious. I try to look at it as a good ab workout!

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  18. Therese4/18/2007

    My 16-year-old still kicks my feet and legs when we are at a restaurant. I don't think he realizes how long his legs are!

    Also, I really hate it when he gives me "MEGA-HUGS" when I'm PMS'ing, and the boobies are really sore! How do you refuse hugs??

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  19. I guess I am like you didn't know I had toes until I was constantly being step on by 1st by my oldest and then of all people, my husband. The soft shoes they are wearing doesn't hurt too much but the hard one - the closed toe one. Oh they hurt. They think it is funny! I had to prove it how much it hurt when I purposely step on my husband toes and he now know how much it hurts.

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  20. Mmm-

    Here, we just call the children "Bumpercars with feet". They race into eachother at breakneck speeds, bonking bellies, or heads, or both, and literally fly apart, landing on the floor. Most of the times they laugh, sometimes they cry, but no matter what, they do it again..and again..and again. Last night, it was Kyra and Harper.. now, you'd think "Zippidee Doo Dah! Kyra is TWICE Harpers size!" and wonder if Harper was o.k., right? Well, when Harper colides with Kyra, Kyra lands on her butt, laughing, and Harper goes facefirst into Kyra's gut, bounces a good foot backwards and then collapses on the floor in fits of hysterical laughter.
    So, this Mama also has feet (same size as yours BTW) but they're unbruised. What you need to do is go get a three year old to keep around the house. Your pedicures will last longer. Of course, you may never have time to go get one.. eh. Minor point.

    BTW they had "Life Is Good" flip-flops on sale at Marshalls. $20. I bought two pairs. I should have gotten a third for you.. sorry I didn't think of it.

    Are you ever coming to Tahoe again?

    xo
    Val

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  21. “Mommy is not a jungle-gym.”

    Despite telling my four-year-old this a few thousand times, I’m still constantly peeling her off of me. Consequently, I have more bruises than an old banana. And now, with two, they compete to see who can climb higher on Mama. Sigh. Good thing they are cute.

    Donna

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  22. My DD is in a very "grabby" phase. Let's just say the last time my (.)(.) looked like this I had just had a mammogram. OUCH!

    My phrase is -- Gentle, gentle, GENTLE!

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  23. Oh I am wallowed on. Glenys climbs in my lap and wallows, twists, touches, grabs, sticks hands donw shirts, etc etc ad nausea. So much so when she started in on me at dinner with my parents last night I said, "Glenys go wallow on Grandad." So she gets down, walks up to him and says, "Can I wallow on you?" Mom and I just cracked up.

    Beverly

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  24. What a great phrase! Shayna loves to jump on my thighs. I have tiny bruises all along the inside of my thigh. You would think it was from something else, but nope, just my little girl jumping on me. Shayna also used to like doing something to my chest, and I told her one day she will have them and not want me to do that to them.

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  25. Anonymous4/18/2007

    Oh Lord Yes. When a foot stools not handy, standing on a foot or two to get up will do.

    Isn't that why they're there??

    Karen

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  26. My daughter pinches. And omg she is BRUTAL!! She also likes to head butt me, followed by deep belly laughs. The problem is, it is so darn cute to hear her laugh like that, I don't have the heart to tell her to quit head butting me. She is not walking yet, I am in trouble with there starts!

    Have you considered steel toed boots? Those adorable sandals that you are sporting in the pic are going to earn you a one way ticket to a full toe amputation.

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  27. Anonymous4/18/2007

    too funny! my little guy got new shoes this weekend - and hubby and I quickly discovered that they REALLY hurt more than his old ones when he tromps on our bare feet. I've also had several sinus-clearing nose (mine) to head bumping incidents -yow!

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  28. Let's see - multiple bruises to the chest area from boney little elbows climbing over me to get to her books/sippy/whatever in bed. My favorite utterance, though, so far..."please stop licking the mirror" Good times, though - no?

    BTW - Maya and I are going to visit the Grants this weekend - jealous? :)

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  29. NOOOOO, my dear, you are NOT alone! My Olivia is always stepping on my feet or trying to climb up my leg. It does hurt when even a 3-year old stomps on your toe. I thought that maybe I was just a wuss, so I'm glad that I'm not alone!

    She also has really pointy elbows... ;-)

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  30. Too funny! Your 9 1/2 are dainty compared to my 11. My little one will be able to stand on one and I can shuttle her around!

    Keep smilin!

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  31. Anonymous4/18/2007

    I have 9-1/2-fers too, but with three sons (one having feet bigger than mine now). He's 12, so for the first time in my life I feel like my feet are small. My favorite foot fumble is when we are in the store and between the three of them someone ALWAYS at one point or another steps on the back of my shoe, especially when I'm wearing thongs. Do you know how many times I have almost felt the cold, hard floor (or pavement) on the front of my face??

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  32. My girls have just discovered "booties" (aka:boobs). Incidently, I'm not sure how they came to use this name for them. One day I had to ask what they were talking about and they each grabbed mine. One of them said, "Oh, Mommy, I just love your booties." Anyways, the other night we were out eating fast food and there was a couple there eating with one of their college aged twin daughters. They were talking to the girls and telling us stories of when their girls were younger. My girls are the biggest social butterflies, and before we knew it, they started telling them about how they don't have booties like their mommy, but someday they will have beautiful booties. I've never been so glad when it was time to leave.

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  33. Anonymous4/18/2007

    Yes, now that she is into size 5 tennis shoes it actually hurts to be stepped on. I am torn though because if she does not wear shoes in the house she wipes out on those crazy slippery socks!

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  34. I can see them now...graceful as gazelles leaping over your feet as they dance and play around you :)

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  35. Yep, I'm a human jungle gym too. Some days I've been stepped on and jammed with elbows so many times that I think I go numb. My favorite is the head butt - like being slammed in the face with a bowling ball. Very hard to be nice when that happens. Just put the child down gracefully, run and whimper.

    You girls are at such an accident-prone age. I'm sure you often think they should be sporting knee pads and helmets. They slow down for nothing - not even your feet.

    Not that you don't aready know this, but your girls are scrumptiously adorable. You much kiss those cheeks a bajillion times daily.

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  36. jlmiceli4/18/2007

    I never realized how many times my toes were getting stepped on by my girls (and even my dogs) until I dropped and broke a mirror on my foot. I had a very bad cut that took months to heal - no matter how many times you ask them to be careful, they just don't believe that they are big enough to hurt Mom's toes. Another occupational hazard that no one remembers to tell you about. : )

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  37. I am constantly being used as a jungle gym. My favourite is when I'm working out, Belle sits on my stomach and says "More, Mama, MORE!" Yeah, right. I have also had chairs pushed into my toes, doors slammed on my head, fingers caught in yhe drawer, etc. etc.

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  38. Anonymous4/18/2007

    Your children WILL NOT learn that you have feet. As a teacher of second graders I am trompled EVERY day for 180 days a year.

    Mary McG
    in TN

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  39. I've had many students step on my new pairs of white tennis shoes over the years. Nothin' like a big ole dirty shoe print on your new Keds! ;-)

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  40. Ha ha ha! I tried several times to add my comment yesterday, but the darn computer has issues at the moment! This is the second time, I've attempted a comment today... and finally it worked!!! Yay!

    Mama's got feet, eh?!! Would never have guessed it!!! Everyone treads on my feet too. Todd says its coz I have water ski feet. Maybe if I wore clown shoes, no one would tread on them?!!!

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  41. Okay you've got me here. I have the most common foot size according to Payless
    shoes - 7 1/2. I can't find decent shoes to save my life.

    As for what part of me gets trampled, well. . . .

    Erin thinks my chest is her pillow. I'm pretty well endowed so I sort of get it, but she really squooshes into them. Of course, she also likes to "pat" my tummy.

    These must be the memories of motherhood my mother told me about.

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  42. Just a quick compliment...What a wonderful blog! My husband and I look forward to reading the days new adventures. Thanks for making us smile.

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  43. Too funny! My first graders step on my feet all day long. Then my two year old finishes the job in the evening.

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  44. Anonymous4/18/2007

    My bruise came a month after sinus surgery a few weeks ago. My little 16-month old decided to boing her head right into my nose! I'm still red on my upper nose and left eye from the boing -- my a head is hard when it comes plowing into a nose. Sometimes it hurts more from that than the actual surgery. Ouch. Yup, and both my husband and I have been made black & blue from being boinged into, plowed into, stepped upon, etc. I guess it's all part of the baby years.

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  45. I should have guessed that!

    When Michael was a baby in his walker, I stood in a baking dish in the kitchen (at the stove or sink) so he didn't run into my bare feet. Yes, those were my old "barefoot in the kitchen" days. Just like the walker, looooooong gone!

    ;)

    Donna

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  46. Hollie4/19/2007

    I Just love your blog. Thanks for sharing. You are such a beautiful, and inspiring family.

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  47. Kecey even steps on mine to get to things too high for her reach sometimes it shocks me so much I forget to move her off!

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  48. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn't get better...and it's worse if you live in California like me. I can't tell you how many times my bare toes have been stepped on with baseball CLEETS!
    OUUWWWWWWWCH! (Yes, the extra W's were needed for emphasis).

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  49. Oh duh, I mentioned California because I LIVE in flip flops or shoes of similar nature. My poor toes...

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  50. I can totally understand! Lesley seems to LOVE, LOVE standing or trying to stand on my feet! If I am sitting, she stands on them. If I am up, she tries to stand on them and wants me to hold her hands and dance with her, with her standing on my feet! It is actually very cute, but sometimes hurts! Ah, toddlers!

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  51. My 10-year-old still hasn't learned that lesson! He is 5 feet tall with MEN'S size 10.5 shoes. Want to see my bruises??? Here's another phrase for you (a favorite for my 2-year-old):

    "No fingers in Mommy's nose!"

    LOL!!!
    Sam
    http://samcampbell.blogspot.com

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  52. It's not just you. Me? Size 7 1/2. My kid never missed a chance to stumble over my feet. The kid had aim like you wouldn't believe.

    I think there me be some part of the maturation process that is furthered when the child trips over the mother's feet. Not sure what, exactly, but...

    ~C~

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  53. Crib Mom Jeni4/19/2007

    Right now I am sporting a bald spot on my head/neck from an adorable 8mo, who thinks my little tiny hairs make a good handle. OUch!

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  54. Anonymous4/19/2007

    Ohhhh, dare I say.....my chest hurts, specifically my breats which are jumped on, kicked, sat upon and the like day in and day out. Mama needs a new sports bra!!!

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  55. Theresa4/19/2007

    LOVE IT! Just wait til they are between 3 and 5 and wanting to dress up in full princess regalia each day from a dress up bin and they HAVE TO wear a pair of those plastic princess shoes with the heels-of which they have received 4 pairs of them for a birthday present-and they happen to step on your foot with the heel-OUCH! What's actually worse than the foot pain is what your ears endure listening to the click clack on the hardwood floors. Actually I get a taste of what you have whenever my niece is here playing with dd. My niece is from Korea and both she and dd (China) are in the same preschool class. They are just three months apart in age. They are best buds and I have officially dubbed them "the giggle twins".

    I just love checking in here to see your giggle twins. I know at times it is stressful for you but your blog always brings back wonderful memories of our dd just a few years ago and helps me enjoy her more each day as the time just keeps flying by.

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  56. Yes, I am for sure suffering through some of the very same - only this mamma's babies are CATS. FOUR OF THEM. And the bruises are all over my body from them climbing all over me while I sleep (opr try to anyway). I guess once we bring Gracie home, I'll have even more to contend with!

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  57. hahahahah that is hilarious, I love all the guesses, really gave me a good laugh

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  58. Regarding parenting bruises my husband takes the cake on that one. My son loves to ram into us with his head. He has now reached the unfortunate height of my husbands groin. Nuf said.

    The wackiest thing that ever came out of my mouth to the kids was this:

    "B, please do not cut your sandwich on the leather coffee table with a coat hanger."

    My mother's favorite thing she ever said was to my brother:

    "Jay, you do not need to clean the street with our kitchen sponge."

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  59. I am with you! Also for me the worst is usually in the upper part of my body...Maëlle is 3 years old and every evening hubby and I read her stories in our bed to "calm her down". She moves so much, jumps and laughs that I have to tell her many times to stop standing on mummy's chest and tummy. Once she did not want to go back to her bedroom and grabbed the book form my husband...I got it in the lip and started to bleed! Oh gentle night!

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  60. Your girls are darling! My little one still doesn't understand that she can't walk through my feet either.... I would love to have your boats... mine are AIR CRAFT CARRIERS size 11 "YIKES"

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  61. My breasts take a daily beating from our dear Gracie! Especially in the mornings when we lay together and snuggle.... they get kicked, poked, pulled and squashed. All the while maintaining a "hmmmm... what are these" mentality! I could go on and on about the abuse they receive... lol

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  62. The bad news is that it doesn't seem to get better! I have three boys 10, 8, and 6. Don't you think that they would be old enough to realize that I HAVE FEET!! Unfortunately, it is always around this time of the year that I notice it more because I am constantly in flip flops. The really bad part is that this is the time of year when they are always in baseball cleats!! OUCH!! They know that if they get my toes they'd better watch out.

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  63. OK I'm a few days late on these posts; been out of town; apologies all around.

    Yes, doesn't motherhood have you uttering the most bizarre things! I knew I was a mom when I said, at the checkout line at the grocery, "Would you PUHLEEZE get your tongue off the conveyor belt?!?"

    Yuck.

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