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Monday, May 9, 2005

You might be suffering from EMS if...

emptymailbox Woke up this morning and Googled "empty mailbox syndrome" -- I was so sure it was a real thing. Surprisingly, I didn't find much about it on Google or Yahoo. There were some pages that cleverly mentioned it, but not the sharp, insightful, clinical definition I was looking for. So I'll just take a whack at it. For all PAPs (prospective adoptive parents)(just stop me if I start to sound like a geeky kid at an adoption spelling bee) who are waiting for your approval letter from the INS, or any of the other little pieces of paper that take on monumental importance, or even THE REFERRAL(!), here's a top 10 for you. You might be suffering from EMS if: 1. You check your mailbox more than 2 (3? 18?) times a day. 2. You sometimes stop halfway back to the house and go back thinking "maybe it was stuck to the side and I missed it." 3. You instantly hear the postman's truck even if you're in the back of the house, American Idol is playing on tv, you're cooking dinner (ok this isn't me but I know some people cook), and 2 garbage trucks are having a party in front of your house. 4. You play games with yourself on the way home from work to increase your odds: "If I can make it all the way down 101 without thinking about it, it will be there!" 5. You treat yourself to a little "bracer" before going to the mailbox: "I'll just have a quick glass of wine (or piece of chocolate or dip in the hot tub or whatever makes you smile), and then I'll be ready to check it. 6. You play high-school dating rule games with the mailbox: "I won't check it for 3 days, yeah that's the really cool amount of time to wait." 7. You have ever resorted to mailbox violence: "Damn mailbox *whack! slam*!" (By the way, if you suffer from this one, try #5 before going to the mailbox, it's lovely...) 8. The postman knows who you are and holds up his hands when you beat him to the curb: "Hey lady, there's nothing here you want, just a Pennysaver and some credit card apps." 9. You have gone to the mailbox in your bathrobe in the middle of the day. (You know who you are.) 10. I can't think of a #10. You'll have to fill it in for me. I'm suffering from severe EMS and have to go dig through the freezer for leftover See's candy in order to medicate myself. (I don't really need to say that the i171-H didn't come this weekend, right? That's just stating the obvious, isn't it? There's no need for me to elaborate, is there?)