Tuesday, October 3, 2006
This is an odd place to be, poised on the brink of parenthood. It almost feels like time is simultaneously standing still and rushing by at warp speed. But that's not physically possible, right? One minute my heart is pounding, my thoughts are racing, and I'm running around uber-organized and panicked that we only have 16 days left to get everything ready before China. The next minute I feel weighed down - incredibly heavy like someone filled my body with lead - and I just want to lie down on the sofa and stare out the window and not think of anything. I think the realization that we are really going to be parents is seeping into every crevice of my body and heart. And it's touching off conflicting feelings of happiness, panic, giddyness, abject fear, joy, compassion, concern, wonder, and humbleness. It's hard to comprehend that in mere days two little people will be relying on us for all of their needs. US! (Oh man, there it comes again, that need to lie down. It's just staggering if you really think about it, isn't it?) Is anyone ever completely ready to be a parent? Oh I suppose there must be tons of people out there who are just raring to go and think "Yes! I'm 100% ready. I am going to be a wonderful parent. I'm going to win the mom-of-the-year trophy." But I don't think that way. Nope. I worry. A lot. In fact I'm worrying right this second and can't let it go and think of how to end this post. So I'm just going to turn off the computer (and hopefully my brain) and try to relax. G'nite friends.